Don't get used to it
A routine formed for Kopper, even though it was less than two weeks before the trial. Kopper would rise early and read for about 45 minutes, followed by some exercising for about 25 minutes. She would then eat breakfast in front of the window; this was accomplished by balancing her bowl or plate in her hand since it hadn’t occurred to her to drag the desk or table near the window and she wanted to be able to see the park while she ate. After this gave her tray back to the guard and got ready for the day. The shower was the best part, it was a shower that did not even pretend to conserve any water and Kopper stood in the water for at least 15 minutes each morning. Then she picked something randomly from the closet and dressed. Nothing in the closet suited her style or desires in clothing, but that didn’t seem to matter to anyone. All the women she saw were dressed similarly so she doubted there was any chance at something different.
Father Matthew would be waiting in the hall for her and they would proceed to the church for some sort of service that Kopper didn’t listen to. Father Matthew would always clue her in to things by nudging her when they were supposed to kneel or get up or stand up. Then they went to the library. The library was contained in several rooms on the third floor and smelled wonderfully of paper books rather than just the electronic pads that they used. Once she asked Father Matthew why they didn’t read any of the paper books and he responded with an explanation that only sacred texts are permitted to be printed on real paper and kept in libraries, but a few legal documents and such used paper too, but were not kept on display. They did use a great host of sacred texts, but Father Matthew said that only certain people were permitted to use the paper editions. Kopper was sure that Father Matthew was one of the permitted people while she was not, but she didn’t want to know the details of this and Father Matthew didn’t want to volunteer why this was either. Several attendants were usually waiting on Father Matthew during this time so they usually played contrite stupid female being taught by brilliant authoritative church father.
After lunch in the dining hall, with other people, but they got their own table, Kopper was permitted a nap. After her nap, she reported to Father Matthew’s chambers where they worked on her confession. This was where Kopper was to denounce pretty much everything she had ever done in her life and offer up ways in which she could enter the community of believers. Kopper didn’t like the afternoon. There were no attendants, since only the father was to hear her sins, and she could speak freely with Father Matthew she was frustrated. It didn’t make sense to her that she should have to say everything she did was pretty well wrong and why did she have to do tasks to enter into this community when she didn’t even want to enter the community. She would have much preferred to spend the remainder of her life somewhere with good, and few, people like Florin. Kopper and Father Matthew nearly got into yelling matches almost every afternoon, which necessitated them to cool down before dinner so they could be polite to the others at the table. They found the easiest way to get back into a better mood was to walk in the garden. The grounds were calming and the fresh air was peace restoring, despite the trailing attendants. Kopper wondered how Father Matthew had ever managed to travel to get her without them in attendance. Once, she gave a particularly vicious glare at one of the attendants who was coming up to dust off a bench on which they were about to sit; the bench was obviously perfectly cleaned just that day. Father Matthew saw this glare and intercepted some of her thoughts. He rested a hand on her arm, “My child, you must think only good of those who are here to help me and thus to help you. Do not let your evil life of the past color your thoughts today for the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Then he leaned a bit closer and said, “I try to escape them as much as I can, but there is only so much dodging that can be done. Thank God I was able to convince my superiors that your collection would be easier and quieter if I went without them to pick you up from the detention center. I can only imagine how you would have reacted then.”
Dinner was a long affair. First they assembled in the church again for service and then went to the dining hall. There were always many people and Kopper didn’t seem to recognize more than a quarter of them as being there regularly. This meant that she frequently had to repeat her reasons why she was here (Father Matthew said to use something along the lines of, “The Great Father has seen that I needed reform and so He brought me home from space and gave me into the hands of the learned faithful here.”) and what it had been like in space (he said to dodge the question by attributing the time to the devil’s work and thus should not be spoken of.) It was quite tedious and Kopper was usually worn out before halfway through her meal. Unfortunately, it had been made clear to her that she was to remain in the hall until all the council members left the dining hall. It seemed they really enjoyed their importance and useless babble so they were there much, much longer than Kopper wanted. A couple of times she managed to find a bench in the corner of the room, after the meal there was dancing and socializing, and wedged herself into the corner and fell asleep. Fortunately Father Matthew noticed these two times and sat by her and managed to make it look like they were having a conversation so other people wouldn’t notice Kopper. Once dinner was over, Kopper practically fell into bed.
Kopper learned the names of the guards that hung outside the door of whatever room she was in or trailed along in the garden, at a much more reasonably far distance than the attendants. She tried to be polite to them and in return they treated her like a queen. Whenever she opened the door or approached a guard they smiled and asked what they could do for her. If she requested eggs for breakfast (after the first day they told her she could make requests for breakfast) they were sure to get exactly right how she wanted them cooked. When her feet got cold in the morning while she was reading and she requested another blanket or some slippers, they found two extra blankets and three pairs of slippers.
Father Matthew still didn’t tell her exactly how the trial was going to go. He told her that she would need to do two things: 1) recite from the Bible and a few other spiritual writings when questioned and 2) read her written confession aloud. During the mornings, Kopper was drilled on the recitation of writings. Father Matthew would present her with a text and have her read it several times. Then he would ask her to point out some of the key words in the text, which he would correct or augment. After that she was given a time period to memorize it. Father Matthew would then test this memorization by asking her a question that had some of the key words form the text and she would be expected to recite it. Apparently, Kopper would be asked questions by the council and she was to respond. According to Father Matthew the safest way to answer the questions was to quote and so she should memorize these all purpose passages.
One morning Kopper protested that this number of quotations couldn’t possibly answer every question that they could ask. Father Matthew sighed, “Just listen for key words and recite the appropriate passage. It doesn’t matter if the quote doesn’t really answer the question or if it really makes any sense in response to the question. They will be more pleased to hear your mastery of the scripture and will be more lenient.”
“But I thought you said they had already made their decision about me?” Kopper responded.
“Yes, and no. They have already decided where you are going and what your occupation will be. But they haven’t decided on what exactly your penance will be and how much favor you will be shown in your new position. It is the favor that you wish to obtain because it will determine how comfortable you will be in your new life. If you anger them during the trial you could have to sleep on a stone floor and only be permitted to bathe once a month. Trust me, do what you can to be the sweetest nicest woman you can imagine.”
This conversation was whispered, so the attendants wouldn’t hear. It was also interrupted several times by Fatther Matthew saying things like, “Daughter, please save your confession for this afternoon,” and “I will give you a quick council now, but this afternoon we shall study this sin in greater detail.” It made Kopper want to whack him, but she knew he was just trying to keep them both out of trouble.
Kopper’s confession, according to Father Matthew, needed to be detailed. She couldn’t just say something broad about renouncing the evils of the Art society. Instead she had to list the evils, which ones she had willingly participated in, and how she should have turned away from those evils. One of the specifics that Kopper was resistant to including was the claim that venturing into space was an affront to God and that we should never attempt to leave this earth which we were given and invade God’s territory of the heavens. Even the scientific study of the stars and the solar system was somehow evil. Everything in Kopper told her this was ridiculous.
Kopper spewed, “If God didn’t want me and others in space, she could prevent it since she is all powerful. And all aware so she knew we were up there.”
That prompted a heavy sigh from Father Matthew, “Another thing you are going to HAVE to change is your view on God. Yes HE is all powerful and all knowing and all present, incidentally. No, don’t say it, I know you want to argue how could we invade his territory if he is everywhere at once. Don’t. I’m not asking you to change your thoughts on this,” he was getting close to yelling and inserted a quiet, “at least not yet,” before continuing, “just say the words convincingly. Try to put on a good show. Give the council respect! At the very least you must, absolutely must never refer to God with a feminine pronoun and definitely never claim to have any clue about what God knows or what he thinks.”
They stared each other down for several minutes. Kopper tried to glower while standing above Father Matthew while Father Matthew plead with his eyes looking up from his chair. He sighed and looked down.
“You know I had to do a lot to get to this position. I think God led me here for you.... don’t waste my council, his council. If God put me here then he put me here to help you with my knowledge, so use my knowledge and follow God. Please?”
“Fine, I’ll try to uhh do better,” she harumphed. They finished that afternoon in relative calm, but the garden walk still did wonders to heal wounds.
Halfway through the time to the trial, Sunday came. Kopper had never paid any attention to days on ‘Squilla, well nothing beyond knowing that another day had passed because the exercise alarm went off again. When Kopper was in school, the days were relevant only because she didn’t have to go to school on the weekends. With Florin she had realized that days again had some sort of meaning since there was a calendar on the wall, but again it wasn’t a central thing. Here, Sunday was a huge deal. Father Matthew tried to warn her, but she hadn’t quite heard. All she did hear was that they wouldn’t be studying tomorrow.
What she didn’t hear was much more important to have heard. First off she was shocked to find that there was another woman in her room when she got out of the shower. She explained that she, Martha, was here, at the request of Father Matthew, to help Kopper get ready for church and help her know what to do at church. He would be helping with the service so he could not sit with her. At least the woman was kind and did not pry too much. She helped Kopper into her dress and helped arrange Koppers short hair to hold the veil she was supposed to wear. During the service she was grateful to have Martha with her. The service was way more complicated and she would have surely gone screaming from the room without Martha’s patience and soothing voice. After the first service, which took hours, they ate lunch. Instead of getting her glorious nap, that she had been looking forward to so much during the morning, they returned to the church. The afternoon service involved more singing, but since Kopper didn’t know Latin she was quite bored. There was a short interlude where people walked in the garden. Father Matthew joined Kopper and Martha for the walk and tried to be bright about the day when Kopper seemed like she had been drug behind a carriage on a dirt road for miles. The evening service was almost too peaceful and Martha had to keep pinching Kopper to keep her awake. Dinner was ten times worse than other evenings for the crush of people and the general length. Toward the end Kopper begged Martha to help her upstairs and they successfully snuck out of the dining hall without anyone noticing.
Father Matthew would be waiting in the hall for her and they would proceed to the church for some sort of service that Kopper didn’t listen to. Father Matthew would always clue her in to things by nudging her when they were supposed to kneel or get up or stand up. Then they went to the library. The library was contained in several rooms on the third floor and smelled wonderfully of paper books rather than just the electronic pads that they used. Once she asked Father Matthew why they didn’t read any of the paper books and he responded with an explanation that only sacred texts are permitted to be printed on real paper and kept in libraries, but a few legal documents and such used paper too, but were not kept on display. They did use a great host of sacred texts, but Father Matthew said that only certain people were permitted to use the paper editions. Kopper was sure that Father Matthew was one of the permitted people while she was not, but she didn’t want to know the details of this and Father Matthew didn’t want to volunteer why this was either. Several attendants were usually waiting on Father Matthew during this time so they usually played contrite stupid female being taught by brilliant authoritative church father.
After lunch in the dining hall, with other people, but they got their own table, Kopper was permitted a nap. After her nap, she reported to Father Matthew’s chambers where they worked on her confession. This was where Kopper was to denounce pretty much everything she had ever done in her life and offer up ways in which she could enter the community of believers. Kopper didn’t like the afternoon. There were no attendants, since only the father was to hear her sins, and she could speak freely with Father Matthew she was frustrated. It didn’t make sense to her that she should have to say everything she did was pretty well wrong and why did she have to do tasks to enter into this community when she didn’t even want to enter the community. She would have much preferred to spend the remainder of her life somewhere with good, and few, people like Florin. Kopper and Father Matthew nearly got into yelling matches almost every afternoon, which necessitated them to cool down before dinner so they could be polite to the others at the table. They found the easiest way to get back into a better mood was to walk in the garden. The grounds were calming and the fresh air was peace restoring, despite the trailing attendants. Kopper wondered how Father Matthew had ever managed to travel to get her without them in attendance. Once, she gave a particularly vicious glare at one of the attendants who was coming up to dust off a bench on which they were about to sit; the bench was obviously perfectly cleaned just that day. Father Matthew saw this glare and intercepted some of her thoughts. He rested a hand on her arm, “My child, you must think only good of those who are here to help me and thus to help you. Do not let your evil life of the past color your thoughts today for the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Then he leaned a bit closer and said, “I try to escape them as much as I can, but there is only so much dodging that can be done. Thank God I was able to convince my superiors that your collection would be easier and quieter if I went without them to pick you up from the detention center. I can only imagine how you would have reacted then.”
Dinner was a long affair. First they assembled in the church again for service and then went to the dining hall. There were always many people and Kopper didn’t seem to recognize more than a quarter of them as being there regularly. This meant that she frequently had to repeat her reasons why she was here (Father Matthew said to use something along the lines of, “The Great Father has seen that I needed reform and so He brought me home from space and gave me into the hands of the learned faithful here.”) and what it had been like in space (he said to dodge the question by attributing the time to the devil’s work and thus should not be spoken of.) It was quite tedious and Kopper was usually worn out before halfway through her meal. Unfortunately, it had been made clear to her that she was to remain in the hall until all the council members left the dining hall. It seemed they really enjoyed their importance and useless babble so they were there much, much longer than Kopper wanted. A couple of times she managed to find a bench in the corner of the room, after the meal there was dancing and socializing, and wedged herself into the corner and fell asleep. Fortunately Father Matthew noticed these two times and sat by her and managed to make it look like they were having a conversation so other people wouldn’t notice Kopper. Once dinner was over, Kopper practically fell into bed.
Kopper learned the names of the guards that hung outside the door of whatever room she was in or trailed along in the garden, at a much more reasonably far distance than the attendants. She tried to be polite to them and in return they treated her like a queen. Whenever she opened the door or approached a guard they smiled and asked what they could do for her. If she requested eggs for breakfast (after the first day they told her she could make requests for breakfast) they were sure to get exactly right how she wanted them cooked. When her feet got cold in the morning while she was reading and she requested another blanket or some slippers, they found two extra blankets and three pairs of slippers.
Father Matthew still didn’t tell her exactly how the trial was going to go. He told her that she would need to do two things: 1) recite from the Bible and a few other spiritual writings when questioned and 2) read her written confession aloud. During the mornings, Kopper was drilled on the recitation of writings. Father Matthew would present her with a text and have her read it several times. Then he would ask her to point out some of the key words in the text, which he would correct or augment. After that she was given a time period to memorize it. Father Matthew would then test this memorization by asking her a question that had some of the key words form the text and she would be expected to recite it. Apparently, Kopper would be asked questions by the council and she was to respond. According to Father Matthew the safest way to answer the questions was to quote and so she should memorize these all purpose passages.
One morning Kopper protested that this number of quotations couldn’t possibly answer every question that they could ask. Father Matthew sighed, “Just listen for key words and recite the appropriate passage. It doesn’t matter if the quote doesn’t really answer the question or if it really makes any sense in response to the question. They will be more pleased to hear your mastery of the scripture and will be more lenient.”
“But I thought you said they had already made their decision about me?” Kopper responded.
“Yes, and no. They have already decided where you are going and what your occupation will be. But they haven’t decided on what exactly your penance will be and how much favor you will be shown in your new position. It is the favor that you wish to obtain because it will determine how comfortable you will be in your new life. If you anger them during the trial you could have to sleep on a stone floor and only be permitted to bathe once a month. Trust me, do what you can to be the sweetest nicest woman you can imagine.”
This conversation was whispered, so the attendants wouldn’t hear. It was also interrupted several times by Fatther Matthew saying things like, “Daughter, please save your confession for this afternoon,” and “I will give you a quick council now, but this afternoon we shall study this sin in greater detail.” It made Kopper want to whack him, but she knew he was just trying to keep them both out of trouble.
Kopper’s confession, according to Father Matthew, needed to be detailed. She couldn’t just say something broad about renouncing the evils of the Art society. Instead she had to list the evils, which ones she had willingly participated in, and how she should have turned away from those evils. One of the specifics that Kopper was resistant to including was the claim that venturing into space was an affront to God and that we should never attempt to leave this earth which we were given and invade God’s territory of the heavens. Even the scientific study of the stars and the solar system was somehow evil. Everything in Kopper told her this was ridiculous.
Kopper spewed, “If God didn’t want me and others in space, she could prevent it since she is all powerful. And all aware so she knew we were up there.”
That prompted a heavy sigh from Father Matthew, “Another thing you are going to HAVE to change is your view on God. Yes HE is all powerful and all knowing and all present, incidentally. No, don’t say it, I know you want to argue how could we invade his territory if he is everywhere at once. Don’t. I’m not asking you to change your thoughts on this,” he was getting close to yelling and inserted a quiet, “at least not yet,” before continuing, “just say the words convincingly. Try to put on a good show. Give the council respect! At the very least you must, absolutely must never refer to God with a feminine pronoun and definitely never claim to have any clue about what God knows or what he thinks.”
They stared each other down for several minutes. Kopper tried to glower while standing above Father Matthew while Father Matthew plead with his eyes looking up from his chair. He sighed and looked down.
“You know I had to do a lot to get to this position. I think God led me here for you.... don’t waste my council, his council. If God put me here then he put me here to help you with my knowledge, so use my knowledge and follow God. Please?”
“Fine, I’ll try to uhh do better,” she harumphed. They finished that afternoon in relative calm, but the garden walk still did wonders to heal wounds.
Halfway through the time to the trial, Sunday came. Kopper had never paid any attention to days on ‘Squilla, well nothing beyond knowing that another day had passed because the exercise alarm went off again. When Kopper was in school, the days were relevant only because she didn’t have to go to school on the weekends. With Florin she had realized that days again had some sort of meaning since there was a calendar on the wall, but again it wasn’t a central thing. Here, Sunday was a huge deal. Father Matthew tried to warn her, but she hadn’t quite heard. All she did hear was that they wouldn’t be studying tomorrow.
What she didn’t hear was much more important to have heard. First off she was shocked to find that there was another woman in her room when she got out of the shower. She explained that she, Martha, was here, at the request of Father Matthew, to help Kopper get ready for church and help her know what to do at church. He would be helping with the service so he could not sit with her. At least the woman was kind and did not pry too much. She helped Kopper into her dress and helped arrange Koppers short hair to hold the veil she was supposed to wear. During the service she was grateful to have Martha with her. The service was way more complicated and she would have surely gone screaming from the room without Martha’s patience and soothing voice. After the first service, which took hours, they ate lunch. Instead of getting her glorious nap, that she had been looking forward to so much during the morning, they returned to the church. The afternoon service involved more singing, but since Kopper didn’t know Latin she was quite bored. There was a short interlude where people walked in the garden. Father Matthew joined Kopper and Martha for the walk and tried to be bright about the day when Kopper seemed like she had been drug behind a carriage on a dirt road for miles. The evening service was almost too peaceful and Martha had to keep pinching Kopper to keep her awake. Dinner was ten times worse than other evenings for the crush of people and the general length. Toward the end Kopper begged Martha to help her upstairs and they successfully snuck out of the dining hall without anyone noticing.
posted by Unknown at 1:05 PM
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