Dancing as Friends

“I listen to a lot of music. We were encouraged in training to listen to music and pick out music we would like to take with us. Fortunately we can also supplement this music selection by downloads from the internet. I set up the computer long ago to auto download a new set of music every month. Now I use that regularity to know another month has passed, but it beats me how many times that has occurred.

“I have found a use for just about every type of music I have heard so far. I use some for my workouts, some for my writing, some for my staring, some for ‘Squilla’s maintenance. On earth I don’t remember being so attached to any type of music, but here I couldn’t live without it. It is where I use the bulk of my “extra” energy and why I move so slowly when doing things outside my living quarters.

“During school it never occurred to me to try to dance. Dancing involved potentially getting noticed, first by a boy to ask me to dance, second by anyone noticing I got asked, and third anybody while I was dancing. For some reason I seemed driven to be invisible. My parents danced themselves around occasionally after a big breakthrough on an evening of celebration. I always declined their patent attempts to draw me into learning any dancing during these evenings. Perhaps it was because I felt so disconnected from what they were celebrating that I thought that having me part of the dancing would somehow ruin the accomplishments. I am a complete puzzle to myself as I look back on my childhood.

“Now, alone in my tin can, I dance. It is weird dancing in zero gravity (well technically there is a small amount from the sun at this distance, but you could’ve fooled me). For several months I nursed multiple bruises that were occurring and reoccurring due to the “dancing.” The whole every action has an equal and opposite reaction really gets confusing while dancing. Eventually I did learn how to make it work and was shocked that I actually had a sense of rhythm. Although I can’t seem to spell it since I just spend two minutes arguing with the writing tablet over that word and eventually had to look up a music type book and fine the word in there to get it spelled correctly.

“One time, after my work-out routine I tried dancing in the hamster wheel. But that was downright confusing to my senses. Trying to maintain balance while dancing (which I wasn’t used to) and moving in a circle the whole time resulted in a hard landing. Besides, the wheel takes so much energy I couldn’t practically dance there very long or often anyways. So I do my cavorting without gravity. It is possible I look ridiculous out here too, but I don’t feel like I am being silly or look beatless. The lack of cameras on board is a good thing, at least they don’t have any cameras I know about. They are probably all gathered around the screen when I dance going, ‘Look at that!’ But it doesn’t matter anymore. I can be invisible or visible. I am happy doing this and so I will.

“Perhaps now that I am comfortable with myself, I can function better in society. I always wondered why people had to ‘go find themselves’ and now I know the answer. It isn’t until we are comfortable with who we are that we can show it truly to others without wondering if we are portraying a false image that we will regret later. Teenage years are most difficult in this way since no teenager knows who they are yet, independent of their parents, siblings, and especially friends. But to voluntarily leave that support group and do something to discover who you really want to be takes too much courage, so it is rarely done. Those who try to find out who they actually are during those years frequently find out their peers aren’t ready for even another teenager to know himself or herself is and so that person becomes an outcast. The individuality and opinions of that person are scorned long enough that the scorn takes root in the mind and even the individual no longer believes that he or she has found anything. The rest, gradually find identity, some taking more time than others, and eventually end up someplace reasonably comfortable in their minds of knowing who they really are.

“I am fortunate in this matter. Before I left on this mission, I had only just barely begun to recognize that I was not my parents, my friends, or my community. Somehow I was part of all of those and responsible to all, but that wasn’t what made me or made my thoughts. During this waking up, I was jerked off my planet and made to contemplate who I really am. This is probably not a good technique for all people. For me, I learned that I like who I am by myself and exactly who that person is that I like. This means that I can not be alone in a crowd because I don’t have to worry about odd quandaries such as: What if others don’t like who I am? Should that make me want to change things about myself that aren’t necessarily good or bad, they are just aspects of me? Instead, I think, I will feel comfortable in being noticed for the things I am good at and the things I am bad at, and not feel badly for either.

“Although I have been up here a while and so I might be overly optimistic about events when I return to earth since it is pretty well the only thing in my future besides maintaining this ship.”

Kopper later learned that although she thought herself invisible on earth, she in fact was not. There were exactly three people (well at least that we know about) who noticed she was gone. They were in no position to inquire about such things however.

The first person to notice that Kopper was gone was her music teacher. During the last two years Kopper had been a member of the school choir. She was initially cajoled into joining because the choir was short on Art participants, in such an imbalance that the administration was threatening to dissolve the choir since it represented a security risk while it was practicing. So Kopper was convinced to join even though she was quite sure her voice was mediocre at best and her interest in music was minimal. The music teacher, a Blessed named Mrs. Flaminkoh, immediately noticed Kopper, but couldn’t say why so she let it be. Some people were immediately enamored with music, but Kopper was not one of them. She did contribute to the choir and was not off-key or tempo as she had dreaded, but she didn’t seem to notice how on-key and in time she was. Mrs. Flaminkoh was an old-hat at teaching and knew that Kopper didn’t know she possessed any talent. She was also experienced enough to know to let it go for now. She knew trauma can come in many forms and one form of intense trauma is finding out something good. There was untold but clearly written strain on Kopper’s face that Mrs. Flaminkoh could see, though she couldn’t quite figure out what it was about. Although they rarely spoke Mrs. Flaminkoh felt some sort of friendship with Kopper and so she sent condolences when her parents died, visited, and also filed with the Art court system for custody of Kopper, even though she was sure to get rejected. When Kopper disappeared, Mrs. Flaminkoh was saddened and so made some polite inquiries and was gently, then forcibly told to stop inquiring and that Kopper was living elsewhere with a distant relative and didn’t want any contact with Blesseds since they had killed her parents. So she dropped the matter.

Aspen was the second person that missed Kopper. She was a fellow student in terms of being at the same school, but Aspen was a Nat. Nats and Arts were all but forbidden from being friends and so neither would have acknowledged the other when directly asked. Aspen was not a traditional Nat, her family didn’t do any drugs and did not use any hypnotism. They did strive to not harm anything, believed in the balance of nature, and practiced meditation, so they were Nats. Aspen was like Kopper in that she wished to remain invisible. Together, though slightly apart, they had frequently stood at various school functions, including singing in the choir; they formed a localized screen of invisibility. Aspen was interested in what she heard in the both the Blessed and Art classes that she was supposed to be ignoring, though she still strongly believed that her natural methods were much better and so she did not stray from them. Kopper’s disappearance was disappointing to her, but she could do nothing about it. She knew nothing of what happened to her and she could make no inquiries without drawing attention to herself. Later, she wondered what would have happened to their friendship if Kopper had still been there. Adults were allowed a bit more freedom in their friendships, if only because they were adults, and so her parents had a few Arts that they counted as friends and nobody was hurt by this. Aspen wasn’t good at identifying those who might be friends and so she stood completely alone the rest of her time in school, though she let imagination believe that Kopper was still there.

Last, but not least, we know that Loyal (he usually went by Lo or L) missed Kopper. It was odd that he would miss Kopper; he was an Art who was wealthy, popular, athletic, smart, and talented. Despite being good at practically everything, he didn’t show off and was well liked by both students and teachers. Unlike many good athletes he didn’t try out for the most visible positions in teams (he frequently refused positions like quarterback on the football team in order to play a position like linebacker) and didn’t expect accolades (though he frequently received them). His teachers loved to call on him to answer questions in class and he received straight A’s. He was also part of the choir and sang solos frequently because the other students asked. It was all this attention that could have drawn him to notice Kopper. He envied her invisibility. Kopper would have been startled knowing that L had noticed her; so startled that she perhaps would have questioned the effectiveness of her invisibility and tried to withdraw even further. L knew that she treasured her anonymity and so he never mentioned her or talked to her (since that would draw attention). When he was alone in his room at night though he would try to figure out a scheme to meet her, talk with her, have her teach him about being anonymous. When she disappeared after the funeral, he waited for rumors for a year about where she had gone. But no rumors came except a very lame one about her living with a distant relative of some sort, something about that rumor was highly concocted but everyone seemed to know that it wasn’t to be questioned. His family was wealthy and influential, so he found out that Kopper was now a ward of the country and she was part of some energy program, but that program was more secret than the family’s influence. For years, he wrote letters to her that he never attempted to deliver. This is perhaps where many of the idealistic qualities of Kopper come from since he built her up into something she was not.

It was this odd contingent that never forgot about Kopper and wondered about her for a full 15 years and then pretended that they didn’t remember her for another 17 years after that. They were the only ones not surprised to see Kopper when she did return.