What is the End

Kopper and Middy traveled to the Easter celebration starting two weeks before it was to begin. They had gathered with Mrs. Flaminkoh and Barkeep to discuss departure times a month after they had been chosen. It was a quick meeting where they all agreed that the allowance of extra time in case something didn’t go quite right was the best policy. Middy’s real name was Midnight since she was dark skinned and had been born at midnight. Barkeep and his wife had thought it was going to be a boy and were so tired after the birth that they couldn’t think of anything better. So, to the village it was Light and Midnight who traveled to the Easter celebration and much was made of this interesting convergence of names. The story was that this was ordained by Jesus himself since Easter was about both the darkness of the crucifixion and the light of the resurrection.

They made a good traveling pair that managed to keep each other out of trouble and out of attention’s path. So they easily made the trip in a week and a half; the excitement growing as they got closer and they walked faster for it. It wasn’t all bad to arrive early; they found a room to rent for the week at a somewhat reasonable price that wasn’t too far from the actual activities, thought they still would have to get up at midnight in order to make it to the dawn services, assuming they skipped the evening services.

Kopper, Mrs. Flaminkoh and Barkeep all told Middy a small amount of the information about the plan and so she had a general idea about something was going on, but it was best that she didn’t know what. Barkeep had given Kopper back the reading tablet that was actually Mrs. Flaminkoh’s with a small box attached to the side with a slide out antenna, it was good for only two broadcasts, then the battery would be used up and some of the old stuff Barkeep had dug up for it might let loose its magic smoke. Mrs. Flaminkoh gave Kopper a gift a week before the departure. A sheaf of high quality paper and new ink. It was all well and good to broadcast the message electronically, Mrs. Flaminkoh claimed, but there was something enduring, final, and poignant about writing things down on paper.

Nobody but Kopper knew the full extent of the plan, what she would be broadcasting and when. Well actually, the only one who really knew what was going to be broadcast and what the effect would be was in fact God. Kopper became well aware of that fact as she copied her 95 points to the precious paper using the best handwriting she could muster. She paused before writing each point to pray about it and waiting several minutes to hear any answer. There were a few points that received some last minute modifications in this manner.

As predicted, the beauty was magnificent. Kopper and Middy had managed to get near the edge of their section so they didn’t have to look through the masses of muddy people to see the processions and other such things. They had decided to attend the previous evenings services and thus had slept in the enclosure on the blankets they had thought to bring with them. The dawn was a doubling beauty that spread its tendrils trough the wispy clouds. Kopper closed her eyes and absorbed the light which she remembered from so long ago when she had been so close to its origin. The prayer and light gave her the strength she needed to make it through the rest of the day.

By the time the last service of the morning was taking place the area for the commoners was bursting with people. When calls for kneeling came there was a jumble of people heaped on top of one another as they tried to sink to the ground when there was barely room for them to stand like trees. After this there was a noonday break for lunch, at least there was lunch for those who were officials of the church, the commoners had to feel about themselves to see if the had managed to not have their bread stolen that they had tucked in their clothing for their lunch. It was during this time that Kopper slipped away from the enclosure. The guards were relaxing, knowing that those who could punish them were off eating lunch and the guards figured they could round up any stragglers before the afternoon events started.

Kopper made it back in time for her absence to not be noticed by anyone but Middy who had somehow managed to save Kopper a spot. A bell tolled and the afternoon had begun. The grand procession left the buildings where they had eaten and paraded to the church, whose doors were open during services but closed currently. The guards had not been so careful as they should have been and thus missed the large sheaf of papers that had been nailed to the front doors which were very large.

The Pope was not so dull as his guards and immediately saw the white rectangles fluttering and messing up the aesthetics of his church doors. He roared at the guards to take it down and then open the doors for him. At the instant of the roar everyone’s reading pads made the most curious beeps and they were told they had received a transmission. Hoping and guessing, correctly, that it had something to do with the anger of the Pope they read what they found on the screens and were amazed.

I once heard it said that history will repeat itself very quickly before the end of time. I suppose if that is true I could be called a Martin Luther. The end of time may come quickly or slowly, I do not know, but dear people, know your God before your end does. She is kind, loving, gracious, and willing to accept you. You have no need to breath the fire of sulfur, breath deeply the breath of life that she offers so freely. Drink the blood of Jesus and eat his flesh that you may be saved. Ignore those who tell you that they know everything. What is freedom but community and what is love but sacrifice?

Preparing for the Big Day

The first thing that Kopper knew she needed to do was get the reading pad that she and Mrs. Flaminkoh shared modified to broadcast. Without letting Mrs. Flaminkoh know or without getting the person doing the modification suspicious of her reasons. She might be able to turn away Mrs. Flaminkoh’s eye for long enough to avoid suspicions from her. The modifier was a different matter. The local bar tender was the one she had targeted to do the job. From her conversations with him she determined that he had been an Art previously; he was an ancient story teller that shuffled around behind the bar with a long white beard and a kind smile for all his patrons (except the drunks). Through the stories she had concluded that the man who everyone called Barkeep and seemed to have no other name, an Art who had worked as an engineer on the pad technology. The technology was simple by Art standards so he would very likely have been regarded as a lower engineer, but Kopper knew that he had been lower by choice not from his lack of skill. It was this skill and ingenuity that she saw that made her certain that he could modify her reading pad to do what she wanted even though there was virtually nothing for him to work with...if she could convince him to do it. Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper would undoubtedly arrange to meet at the bar after each did their errands around the small village, so it would be no problem getting to him. If she failed to get the modification done then she would be far from successful in her overall goal, so this worry fell at the top of her list.

It was one week until Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper were scheduled to go to town and two months until the lawn receivers/deliverers would arrive to pick up the lawns of the region. Word had come that out of every dozen lawn growers, or equivalents of those meeting the quota, one person would be allowed to attend the celebration. A special crew would come through for the turf with a vehicle so that the lawns would only be traveling about a day, from the furthest regions. Those that grew the lawns would not be able to travel so quickly and so there presented an interesting quandary. The village Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper were associated with was located at about the farthest point that the turf growing was requested and so the growers from this area would need about two weeks travel time if they walked at a normal rate and about one week if they were swift. This meant they would have to leave before they were given official dispensation to attend. Everyone also knew that even if they met the quotas, officials would tell them they hadn’t and so not the full number of people would be allowed at the celebration. The talk fo the village was whether it would be worth anyone’s time to travel to the celebration. If someone did go it would doubtless make the village look pious to their local priest, and they really needed to improve their image or they might loose some government business. On the other hand, the people were wondering if they could do without the government and their evil priest. The celebration did present some lingering appeal of its own though. Everything would doubtless be beautiful, the grounds, the buildings, the people, and the village could hardly boast anything a percent so grand. Further, other people of their class would be there too and after the higher ups retreated into their grand banquets in the evening, those who didn’t have to serve would have a party of their own. Yet, going would require attendance at the celebration in order to achieve the goal of brown nosing the priest and there would be no point in going if the goer did not brown nose a bit. Going to the celebration would probably mean standing in a crowded muddy pit, cordoned off for the common people where they could barely hear anything but would still be expected to participate in such things as the chants and the kneeling...in the cold and mud. Last month’s meeting of the village officials had determined that they were going to send two people (out of the four they should have been justified in sending) and that these people would be chosen by vote by the entire village and the outliers like Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper. People wavered between saying they didn’t want to leave their farms in the spring when they needed attention just to travel for something like this and a holiday that they would be given official dispensation to take and the village was rumored to be supplying a small stipend for travel expense. Kopper’s second worry that vied for the top spot was if she could get one of the travel spots, again without raising suspicion from the village and worrying Mrs. Flaminkoh. This time Mrs. Flaminkoh looked to be the bigger problem than the village, but it wasn’t totally clear. Mrs. Flaminkoh would likely object to Kopper traveling from the village and to a crowded area because she could be recognized and that would be exceptionally awkward. Kopper was a bit nervous about this point as well so she wasn’t prepared to defend her idea to Mrs. Flaminkoh that would allay these fears.

So two things were on Kopper’s mind the week before the village meeting. Kopper was about to tell Mrs. Flaminkoh the whole thing several times, but just couldn’t get anything out. They would be working on things together and Kopper would drift off into thought about how to present the two matters, then jolt awake to Mrs. Flaminkoh saying something in the form of a question which she hadn’t a clue how to answer or to her hands getting burnt, pecked, splintered, or otherwise injured from her inattention. Of course Mrs. Flaminkoh knew that something was up, but her long years as a teacher had taught her when to pry and when to wait and Kopper showed definite signs of the waiting tactic, at least for now.

The walk to the village was hazardous for Kopper; only one fall in Mrs. Flaminkoh puller her own arm into an L and tucked Kopper’s hand in since it seemed that Mrs. Flaminkoh was stuck walking with a distracted Kopper that refused to stay home. So they traveled to the village with Kopper walking like a newly blinded person learning to lean on a guide, but Kopper didn’t fall but two more times and so was only slightly dirtier than the condition she had left the house in.

“Light, hisst... LIGHT! Fine, hey Kopper... Kopper!” Mrs. Flaminkoh managed to obtain a few seconds of focus from Kopper’s eyes and continued, “Perhaps it would be best if you hung out with Barkeep while I do the few errands and then we’ll go to the meeting at mid afternoon together.”

Kopper bobbed her head and made her own way across the square with better balance and resolve than Mrs. Flaminkoh had seen in days. Mrs. Flaminkoh trusted Barkeep and was satisfied that she seemed to have made the right decision by entrusting Kopper to him for a few hours.

“You have some mission which I can see involves me and I will not be able to escape,” Barkeep chuckled while delivering the line to Kopper. He motioned her to a booth that was located out of view from the door. He joined her carrying two mugs of beer, after serving the only two other customers.

“Oh, you are a good excuse to rest these old bones. Drink half your mug before you try to explain anything, you know well I can fill the silence with many words without any prompting. It is good to see your face here today, for I have had a feeling about you and this grandly horrible lawn using celebration that is coming up. My old bones have been squeaking with some sort of knowledge about you and this thing. I question their knowledge since they were wrong about the storm last week, but maybe their error was due to their preoccupation with you. You know, my dear, though you have only been here a short while, most have us have grown to feel that you have been here forever and that you are close family. It seems that this creak in my bones is not ominous, but rather a warning to me that I get myself into the mood to help you out. I didn’t know you were the source of the noise until you walked in that door and things started to make sense. Now that I am talking it seems that you are meant to go to the celebration. Enough from me I can see, what did you come here for? Besides my daughter’s magnificent beer of course.”

“Ahh, well at least you confirm that I am not crazy, or maybe that I am crazy but taking others with me,” Kopper sighed. “This last month I have held a plan within me, but have feared to reveal it to others. I somehow know that it will end in both good and bad, but I am not sure who to take down the road to glory and ruin with me. I think God is telling us both that I can share with you, which is such a relief! Maybe you can then tell me who else I should tell. Oh, and it is so good that you are included because I need you to do something for me for my plan to work out. Do you think we are both crazy or do you think God in her infinite wisdom has brought us together?”

“Humph, yes well I suppose God could be a she, you really should be careful about that Light, dear. I don’t care much but I think many people around here would report you to our beloved, ah-hem, priest. In any case, I do think that we are slightly crazy, but not crazy to God. He has brought us together for he ordains everything that happens, it is up to us to cooperate with him or struggle against him. Tell me your plan that I might be able to help you adequately.”

It was two hours later when Mrs. Flaminkoh found Kopper munching on some pumpkin seeds while staring out front door (she had moved to a more prominent booth so as not to appear conspicuous. Barkeep’s daughter and her husband were taking care of customers while Barkeep was in the back catching a nap before the meeting and the rush in drinks that was sure to follow. He had advised Kopper to not tell him everything when she got to the part in her plan that involved her being nervous about all the people that might recognize her. He claimed that the less he knew about who she really was the better for them all and he didn’t think it was critical for understanding Kopper’s plan and helping with it. So Kopper stared at the door waiting for Mrs. Flaminkoh while mulling over how much she should tell the dear soul that had given her so much. Kopper didn’t want to put Mrs. Flaminkoh in any danger of harm–physical, mental, or spiritual–and so she chose her words carefully when she quietly presented the plan to her dear friend.

“Well, I wondered what was eating at you,” Mrs. Flaminkoh responded after hearing the version of the plan presented to her. “I was beginning to wonder if you were going to drop into the fire sometime when I wasn’t there to fish you out and then I would have never known what you were so distracted about. Your eyes tell me you have not told me everything and that is fine, I know that my usefulness to you does not extend to all you are doing. Right now I suppose you need me to help you get elected to go as one of the delegates to the celebration. Something you haven’t thought about is that you’ll need the other delegate to be trustworthy and inconspicuous. No, you can’t take me. Something tells me that I would be recognized or perhaps only that I would draw attention somehow and that would result in your recognition and that would definitely not be a good thing. No, we need to think of another dependable companion for you that will understand that he or she cannot know everything about why you are going. Where is Barkeep? He would have insight into who this other person might be. Ah I see you have told him something of your plan already. Did you tell him who you really are and why you are hiding here in this remote backwater of a pond?”

“No, he told me I shouldn’t and I feel now that he was right to say so. But he is helping with the plan in another way, which reminds me that ahh I trading reading pads with him for the next month and a half,” Kopper looked into Mrs. Flaminkoh’s face to see that she understood the vague reasoning behind why the trade was necessary. “Right now he is napping since business after the meeting is likely to be quite brisk. Somehow I feel our answer to traveling companion is right before us and yet I cannot quite grasp it.”

Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper finished off the pot of tea without know who they were going to get to go with Kopper and without knowing exactly how they were going to get Kopper ‘elected.’ So they slowly crossed the square to the meeting house that was also the church and took their places. Since the government was also the church the priest was presiding over the village meeting; he had traveled from his residence to this place he called putrid to bring what he considered his great light to the meeting. The town leaders who had made the decision last month regarding the number to send to the Easter celebration were all seated behind the priest and some started to nod off during the seemingly long liturgy that proceeded the meeting.

The first person to get nominated was slow in coming but after that a barrage was sent fourth. After some declining and two narrowing votes Kopper and four others were on the final list. All this without Mrs. Flaminkoh or Kopper having to try and figure out a way to get her there. In fact neither of them had said a word, except Kopper accepting the nomination and Mrs. Flaminkoh gracefully declined a nomination and made a quick suggestion as a replacement. Barkeep had nominated Kopper as, “an outstanding example of humility and submission that would represent the village well and would return with encouragement for all.”

Each of the five candidates were then given an opportunity to speak in regards to how each felt they would benefit from the pilgrimage. Kopper managed to say something about how she had long dreamed of making a pilgrimage rather than just traveling due to the plague then she quoted some text that she remembered from her trial. She was the first to speak and the others seemed a bit stunned and the next two bumbled through their speeches that were nowhere near as good, the two after that made a feeling appeal but it lacked the quotation that gave Kopper’s such force. The fifth person, who had been nominated by Mrs. Flaminkoh, spoke just as well as Kopper had and managed to not overlap with any of her ideas but meshed with Kopper’s ideas in such a way that it was obvious to everyone who would be traveling come a month and a half.

The meeting dispersed and many of the people crowded into the bar for drinks while some of the less fortunate people, including the leaders, had to dine with the priest. The conversations at the bar were brisk and cheery while the conversations at the village leaders house were halting and dull. It seemed to everyone that the best people had been chosen to brown nose to the priest when the time came to go to the celebration, but fortunately for them the priest had not included them in his dinner plans. Kopper and her new traveling companion ate, drank, and danced (to some lively, but sacred, music since the priest might hear) that night without a care about the upcoming journey. Kopper knew that trouble would come soon enough for her and she hoped to shield it from her friend as long as possible, perhaps until the very verge of the finality of the plan.

Reflections of Kindness

The trouble with doing something that gets noticed is that it gets noticed. I will always remember the results of what happened after my grand tagging, but I didn’t have a clue what would happen before. For some reason it never occurred to me to think about exactly what the results would be. Perhaps God keeps results hidden from those of us who are chosen to do great things because we wouldn’t go through with things when we knew exactly what the results would be. I certainly wouldn’t have.

It seems like such a long time ago that I stood in not quite the corner and avoided being noticed by fellow students. Long ago because now I cannot even begin to think that I’ll ever stand in a room and not be noticed. I have learned to keep someone by my side that is good at conversation and understands me, because I am not good at small talk and many people seek to talk to me about inane things. Well, I guess they aren’t inane to the people that want to talk about them, but I can’t say my patience extends to the point where I can see the person’s viewpoint after the first two people that I talked to that day.

It is during these times that it also seems like not so long ago that I could stand anywhere and not be noticed at all. Without any effort I remember the time I spent in space. The peace that extended through all that I did because I had not conflicts with anyone. However it seems in my remembrance, I know that it wasn’t ideal. There is much that was not good about that living even though I don’t remember it. I should remember and I chose not to.

Looking back I had no plan and no chance of succeeding. It is a good thing that God wanted me to do it so he smoothed my path. I wonder what sorts of things happened that I didn’t know needed to happen and still don’t know about. Did the Israelites ever realize how many times God interfered with events. The story of Balaam and his donkey was known, but how many other prophets from other countries were unable to curse the Israelites?

I write as a sanctuary from people now. It used to be that I wrote in space to connect with people, I suppose. Now, I have way too much contact with people and so I write to connect with myself. What I wouldn’t give to be able to go back to my quiet, but brief life at Mrs. Flaminkoh’s cottage. I miss her dearly, she understood me so well that even now I yearn for her encouraging silence. Her words were never excessive, as if she understood that I preferred brevity above all other things.

People are the most difficult thing of the preceding times. I yearned to help them, but I did not truly understand what helping them meant to my life. It seems that God could have chosen a better, more socially adapted vessel to present her truths. Perhaps Bishop Steadfast. On the other hand, maybe God needed someone who had spent thirty years away from everyone and so I could see further outside the box than any person who was living on the earth during those times. In talking with others about what I did, nobody would have ever guessed to do something like what I did. They would have never thought it to have any impact nor to have even thought to espouse such a blatant attack on the brainwashing that the government had achieved.

When I read through my comments on the past year, I most clearly see how unfit I was for the results of my actions. Despair frequently stares out of every word I wrote, even when I wrote that I was happy my handwriting betrays the fact that I am lying with every letter. I wanted out of the spotlight so desperately but could see no way out. Crowds hemmed me in on all sides, even when people weren’t actually around. I flailed and the gurgled in gulps of the water of people and would have drowned in their sea if not for God. She knew when I could bear it no longer and presented me with a brief respite. A field of ripening corn that I could walk through by myself for hours on end. An empty trail leading through a tall forest that presented an escape. An alcove in a large house that was abandoned by people but populated by books and a chair. A cat to curl on my lap while it snowed outside.

My second trial before the council and my escape are particularly poignant in my memories. It was so painful a time that I could not write of it in my journal and even now my hand shakes as I think of it while tears prick the corners of my eyes. It did not matter that the people were mad at me in the council room, nor even that I had to speak publicly. Those are things I can deal with. What I could not deal with was the abandonment of guidance from friends and being completely unfamiliar with what was going on. I entered the room with Bishop Steadfast, but the council quickly had him removed. Another council was assigned to me but I did not know him even remotely. He stood next to me but gave no support. Then the proceedings began. They were not as ordered as my first trial; in fact there seemed to be no order or only enough order to make my speaking out of turn when I tried. If I could have run I would have, but my feet were glued to the ground. I do not know what the final decision would have been for sure, but in all likelihood I would have been burned at the stake. Yet another social situation where I was the center of attention, but not in a way that I could have dealt with. I suppose that God knew that the looks of people would have been more painful than the flames and the combination would have torn me spiritually apart so he sent my escape.

Even the escape was not comforting. I walked with a group of pilgrims that protected me from the sight of the authorities after daring disruption of my trial by some of the members of Martha’s convent. But they were people I did not know and so every question they asked me and every comment they offered in comfort was like a knife through a tendon. I knew they meant only kindness, but I did not have the energy to make my will bend to see their kindness; I could only see the glint of cold steel in their words and danger in their actions.

I do not know what God has in store for me now that the government has essentially fallen and I no longer have to run for my life nearly every day. I can only hope that she will give me a quiet place with few, but good people. Then at the end of my days I hope to die quietly, in such a way that nobody must travel for presence at my last illness. Give me solitude with you dear Lord, solitude.

Growing Up

Kopper and Mrs. Flaminkoh set themselves a routine which was very relaxing to Kopper. They spent the first half of the morning after a small breakfast on their own pursuits without talking or interacting with the rest of the morning devoted to working on the garden and taking care of the chickens and the goat. They ate their one large meal an hour or two past noon and then finished up any work in the garden or house cleaning. The late afternoon and evening was spent reading and discussing and singing and dancing.

Kopper had missed singing and dancing. They had sung at the convent and though she found some of the songs inspiring she missed some of the songs she had listened to in space. There was something in Kopper that enjoyed both sacred and secular music and Mrs. Flaminkoh encouraged her to explore both musics. At the convent they had never danced and Kopper desperately missed being able to express her joy or sorrow through physical movement. She had learned to speak to God through dancing, even when dancing to secular music, and now she knew that her prayer life had been suffering during her time at the convent. So Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper danced in the evenings without worrying what other people thought of them because nobody ventured out to the little cottage.

They were almost self sufficient at the cottage. But Mrs. Flaminkoh did venture to the village a half a days walk away once a month to sell a few items that they sewed and buy a few items that they needed to supplement the garden and the goat. She also went to hear the news. They worried occasionally but fiercely that Kopper might be found out, but Mrs. Flaminkoh never heard anything and nobody questioned the slight increase in supplies that she sold and bought each month. So they became content, but not exactly relaxed.

Each evening they would read and discuss passages from the Bible or sacred writings using Mrs. Flaminkoh’s pad. They could not afford another one and so they made do with just the one. Actually, the discussions consisted more of Kopper argueing with herself and then Mrs. Flaminkoh providing supporting views and attacks on things as there was space for her to do so. She had already formed opinions on several of the things that they were reading, but she allowed Kopper a sounding board to develop her own opinions and thoughts; but she also learned a few things and changed her opinion on some things. She didn’t tell Kopper of the learning and changes but she did support Kopper’s exploration with vigorous comments and praise for actually thinking.

Aspen and Martha managed to visit three months after the poor Sister Mary’s death and reported that there were no problems. They also brought a few supplies though they were meager. The evening discussion was wonderful and lively; everyone threw out opinions and thoughts without concern for being mocked or labeled as evil. The discussion didn’t wane, but Kopper wanted to sing and dance so they did. It was late at night when they went to bed.

In the morning Martha and Aspen had to continue their official journey, which was a pilgrimage. Everyone had so thoroughly enjoyed the previous afternoon and evening that saying goodbye was a mess. Everyone avoided looking at anything but the ground for several minutes and then Kopper looked up at Martha who also glanced up for a moment. The eye contact was long enough that they both started chewing on their lips, gulping air, and dabbing their eyes with the backs of their hands. Eventually they all broke down into full blown sobs. But it was brief since they all knew that they needed to part. They didn’t want to attract any attention and the people in the village knew that Mrs. Flaminkoh was hosting the nuns for the night and were expecting to see them pass through the village. A long delay would be noticed and so they briskly walked down the track without saying a full goodbye. They did say they would try to be back in about six months time.

Kopper and Mrs. Flaminkoh continued with their schedule after the two sisters left, but they were sad for the next two days. But the summer and the harvest consumed their days and the time flew by before the Christmas season came around and they looked for the return of Martha and Aspen. Mrs. Flaminkoh had finally introduced Kopper, using her middle name Light, to the village and said she was a distant cousin that had lost her family to the plague and had spent all her money on trying to save them. The village accepted her without much thought and so both of the women went to the village together and occasionally stayed the night at the inn to join in a celebration or do more business.

It was toward Christmas that the village received word that the Pope was planning a celebration in the spring in honor of Christ, ostensibly, but really everyone knew that it was to celebrate the Pope. This year he wanted to have a lawn. A lawn at Easter time and he lived in a region that wouldn’t have green lawn for two months after the celebration. So in order to have the green lawn that he desired there was a call out to the farming villages to grow lawn in greenhouses and they would be paid handsomely for the lawns they delivered. It didn’t seem to occur to the Pope that the farmers didn’t have greenhouses in the area and outside was just as cold here, but it was to this region that he had delivered his invitation to grow him a lawn. Everyone at the town tavern was a buzz with news of both the potential to make money and the stupidity of the Pope not to out source the lawn to someplace warm.

Mrs. Flaminkoh and Kopper were delighted to learn of the possibility to earn additional money, even if it required a little investment in building a greenhouse, they could use the greenhouse in later winters. So they took some of the plugs of grass that the Pope had sent along to the town, so that all the grass was the same variety and looked the same color, or at least close to the same color when it arrived in the spring. The town had a traveling salesman that came through not long after and he sold everyone some plastic and glass for greenhouses. Kopper and Mrs. Flaminkoh scrapped to afford some of the glass and managed to fall a few trees for some lumber to make their greenhouse. They were so busy tending to the grass plugs and the green house that they didn’t notice that Aspen and Martha were becoming overdue for their visit.

When they arrived they brought news about the celebration. Again they were officially on a pilgrimage so they could only spend a night at the cottage, but they made sure to spend the time wisely. They were delighted with the green house and how good their grass was growing. Kopper had devised a system to generate light using low power and a way to rotate several tiers of lawn to make full use of the space they were able to enclose with the their glass. In the evening they shared the news that they knew. Martha said that the real celebration at the Easter festival was going to be an announcement that using birth control was a sin. Martha speculated that the real reason behind outlawing birth control was because the lower class was decreasing in population due to the living conditions. Disease was rampant since the health care for the lower classes was essentially non-existent and the general diet was not of the highest quality. People also didn’t want to have children because they couldn’t afford to have them. The upper classes of the government depended on the lower classes for multiple things, growing their food, serving them, providing masses that looked like support... etc. So Martha guessed that the higher ups got together and found out that in the distant past the church had mandated birth control as being illegal and so the solution was born.

They discussed long into the night how the church felt justified in mandating women’s rights and what in the Bible backed their position. Finally, they realized it was exceptionally late and the two sisters still had to make the journey out in the morning. So they went to bed. But Kopper stayed up. She laid in the bed that she and Mrs. Flaminkoh shared and stared at the dark which was broken only by a small spider that was crawling across the ceiling.

She couldn’t decide what to do. Something about this celebration told her that there was something important she had to do. She prayed desperately for more information on what she was supposed to do. For several moments she wondered if the thing she was supposed to do was merely to grow grass and deliver it. It was a noble endeavor to make things beautiful even if the people in charge weren’t the most noble people surely among those who came to the celebration there was somebody worthy of the beauty that would be present. She remembered how much she missed color while in space and thanked God for the abundant beauty of the colors on earth and for the changing seasons, even if it was cold now. The idea seemed to grow in her head that perhaps the greatest contribution to the earth that she could make was beauty, beauty in grass and beauty in dance. She might get in trouble for dancing at the Easter celebration but maybe she was supposed to do that. Her mind formed the picture of her and Mrs. Flaminkoh being the ones in charge of delivering the grass that their area had grown. They each drove a wagon to the festival and helped install the grass. After this they decided that the best use of the grass would be to use it to dance to God. She then envisioned them leading the masses, the poor, onto the lawn which had been reserved for the dignitaries and dancing up a storm for God.

The spider let down a silk and started to swing as if saying no. Eventually it made a long enough swing to get to the head of the bed and crawl to the small window above her head. No, dancing would not be a real protest of things and beauty is not sufficient encouragement to people. There was so much that Kopper saw in the church that was a huge step into the past in a very bad way. Medieval times were horrible then and were horrible in the weird duplication that seemed to be going on in this twisted theocracy. Dancing wasn’t going to show that any of the things that were happening was truly bad and needed to be fixed, people would merely be distracted for a while and then they would be severely punished because they had dared to tread on sacred ground that they were barely worthy to observe let alone step on. It didn’t matter that these people may very well be the people that grew the grass and cut it and then laid it on the ground, suddenly they would be forbidden to walk on it.

Merely looking at the beautiful items provided no hope for the masses either. They were constantly reminded that they were not as good as the people parading in front of them and if they dared to question their position in life they were told that their soul was in danger of hell fire. More than likely, the people that grew the grass would get only half of the promised payments since it was invariably true that something was found wanting with the supplies that were provided to the government so they paid less. Of course everyone knew this when they grew the grass, but even so the payment would be reasonable enough that it would be slightly profitable to those who were growing and there was always the “bonus” that the government would look on you slightly more favorably in the future.

People were wronged. People were unhappy. People were being misrepresented. The poor deserved more. Those in high positions deserved less. Everyone deserved to know that God was gracious. So what was Kopper going to do about it?

By morning she had formulated a plan that she did not discuss with anyone. In this act she was sure that God wanted her to do it, but not sure that God wanted her to risk her friends. In fact she was particularly certain she was to benefit people, not hurt them and she knew that her friends had already done all they could do for her by getting her to Mrs. Flaminkoh’s cottage.

leaving things behind

Martha and Aspen spent the winter planning what to do with Kopper. They knew that they needed to give her an opportunity to rest from the relentless pressure that she was experiencing; for some reason they felt deeply that Kopper had a larger purpose than they currently understood. Neither was familiar with direct commands from God, but if you had asked them if this was one they would have paused and then said that it was. Hints and circumstances allowed them to feel this conviction but they didn’t voice it due their inability to pinpoint anything that would convince anyone else of the commission.

It took the whole winter to plan the escape of Kopper. The first several plans were discarded It wasn’t as if the nuns were guarded. In fact there was only one priest at the compound and he was not trained as a guard, or perhaps had been but had rapidly forgotten it and he was a well meaning man. However, the difficulty was that Kopper’s presence wasn’t entirely unknown here. There was the Bishop Matthew Steadfast to deal with and a few people in the town nearby that would know Kopper wasn’t at the convent anymore and would wonder what happened to her. She couldn’t simply just walk away from the compound and leave Martha to take the responsibility. Kopper had been ordered to live out the remainder of her life at the convent so Martha would be punished if Kopper left and they would eventually track her down to impose a harsher sentence on her. No, Kopper had to disappear in a way that would raise no questions.

The first possibility was to have Kopper transferred to another community. Martha thought she might be able to arrange for some fake transfer orders to come through and then have some other orders made up to make it clear that Kopper was to sever all connections with her previous life. She spent some time drawing up a list of other convents that might be willing to participate in this deception, but the list was very short. Aspen didn’t like this plan. She thought it involved too many people and Aspen was a bit mistrustful of people in high positions and they would definitely need to involve one person of high position to get the orders faked properly.

Aspen then thought that they could just cloister Kopper off at this convent in some manner. She wandered about the compound looking at places where Kopper could be isolated and thought of reasons why this would be done. She found an old shed that might be suitable for summer weather seclusion, but it would need work for the winter months. Martha didn’t like this plan. She thought it very likely that the sisters would not abide by the isolation and would sneak to Kopper and besides that wouldn’t stop Bishop Steadfast’s letters and the now yearly visit.

It was midway through winter when Aspen realized where they could hide Kopper and it took the rest of the winter for Martha to work out a way to plausibly get Kopper off the premises without the use of authority or other people.

It was a wet winter, which was fortunate in many ways. The women were all eager to spend time outdoors after being cramped indoors with meager fires to warm their hands as they sewed or wrote. The fields were planted with plenty of labor and Martha let a few cloak orders fall a bit behind schedule to allow her charges a little break and a little joy. Everyone was grateful to Sister Martha and did their best to make up for the time outdoors by doing their indoor work with greater speed and skill than had been seen all winter.

One morning Aspen and Kopper were given orders or rather permission to go to the river on the other side of town to catch fish. The convent regularly caught fish from the river and thus supplemented their diet with a bit of fatty acids and flavor. During the winter, the fishing was suspended, but now everyone wanted the chance to go out to fish in the beautiful spring weather. So each Monday and Thursday Martha sent out two women to fish in the morning. Aspen and Martha had discussed the plan extensively, everything was in place or else Martha would not have sent Aspen out with just Kopper. Kopper was completely unaware of the plan or of even the idea that she was to be secreted away.

Kopper and Aspen strolled along the road to the river carrying two baskets a piece and two poles. They were responsible for not only bringing in fish for current meals, but since the fishing was good this year and it was a good time to fish they were to bring back fish to dry. Kopper started to hum a bit of a song that she had particularly liked while she was in space, though she didn’t realized that is where she remembered the tune from. Aspen was concentrating on other things or else she would have reminded Kopper to sing only hymns, especially in town because the there was known to be a couple of government informants in the town.

They made it safely to the river without seeing anyone but the friendly baker who waved from his shop doorway. Each person from the village had an area they preferred to fish and the convent had chosen an area fairly far upstream from the villagers places to avoid conflict. The spring turf was soggy so they stepped as lightly as possible on their way to their hole. Kopper had learned fishing last year and deftly baited her two hooks and tossed them into the stream. Aspen looked around carefully and absent mindedly managed to get her hooks baited. However, when she went to toss them in the stream she managed to get one hung up on a bush. Kopper had settled into a relaxed lounge against her favorite rock and closed her eyes. Aspen was not usually one to use any words of anger so when Kopper heard her say, “Socks and turtles be hung!” Kopper sat up quickly and her head snapped around to look at Aspen. The bush was not large, but it was tall enough to present problems to those who were silly enough to get a line caught in it. Aspen was trying to use some of the thicker branches to reach her line which was snagged near the top of the bush but she was having little success. Laughter reached Aspens ears and she turned swiftly to be angry with Kopper. How could she be so light at such a time as thing. Just as she was to open her mouth she remembered that Kopper had not even an inkling that anything more important than a little fishing was going on today. Her anger melted and realized how silly she looked trying to get her hook out of the bush and laughed with Kopper.

An hour half hour later, Aspen was in a much better mood and they had managed to catch a few fish between getting the hook untangled from the bush and Aspen. They then relaxed along the bank and Aspen asked Kopper how she was doing, how she was really doing.

“Oh well I can’t complain. There are some very good friends as the convent and both you and Martha are the best friends I could ask for. Living isn’t exactly comfortable, sometimes I am cold at night and my belly isn’t exactly full. But the food is better than the nasty stuff I was eating in space. I don’t wish to complain of anything per say, but I have this feeling that something isn’t quite right. Thoughts rattle around and lurk in the dusty corners of my brain and I can’t say what they are or even what they are about. I just know that they are important thoughts somehow and I for some reason they are unable to be really thought about the way I am living now.”

There was a pleasant lull where they enjoyed the warm sunshine and caught a few more fish, two of which they threw back because they were too small to bother with.

“Aspen, what is in the knapsack? I thought we had to be back to the convent in time for the noon office so that can’t be lunch,” Kopper looked straight ahead at her lines while asking this question as if looking at the knapsack would somehow make Aspen deny its existence. This was backward to how it should be, but Kopper knew that Aspen wasn’t one for direct questions and if she had to suffer through being asked a direct question, the question had better be good and asked without direct eye contact or such things as that. It was probably only three minutes before Aspen’s answer but it was long enough for Kopper to start thinking about other things so that the answer was even more surprising than it would have been with a quicker answer.”

“There is a journal of real paper, a small embroidered sun on a black cloth, a small folding knife and a very docile cat. You may look if you wish.”

“But... those were.... where did you find?” Kopper started several times and finally went over to the knapsack and opened it. Grayvee popped her head out the top of the bag and nudged Kopper’s hand into petting. She scooped the cat out of the bag into her lap and inspected the rest of the contents. Inside she found her journal and the brilliant sun she had embroidered, both of which she thought she had hidden carefully in her cell at the convent. The knife was familiar because she kept it in her room for miscellaneous tasks and occasionally carried with her; although she knew they were forbidden from having personal items she had somehow contrived to keep the knife as her own in a sort of semi-public defiance of the rule. Kopper left the items in the sack and carried Grayvee back to sit beside Aspen.

While watching Grayvee dismember a small fish that Aspen had just caught, Kopper contemplated what the objects meant for her. It could mean she was in trouble. Just one of those items was enough to require a confession and penance for her. Grayvee was one of the many stray cats of the area, but Kopper had adopted her as a kitty Kopper’s first winter. She snuck the cat into her room and taught her to hide in the bed covers and look like an innocent lump in a poorly made bed. Since then Grayvee had been a quiet companion in her room and outside when Kopper thought that the other sisters wouldn’t notice that she was supporting “the vermin” as many of the other sisters referred to the rodent controlling cats. They didn’t hate or love the cats, they were just part of the ecosystem they were now living in where there was prey and hunters. Grayvee knew how much she had to be thankful for in terms of being fed scraps and having a warm place to sleep, so she learned to be the immobile hump that Kopper requested of her when she was transported out of the room. The cat had become a silent listener to Kopper’s questions that were still ill formed but what was bothering her about her current life.

Kopper decided that the indirect route would yield the most information from Aspen, “Thank you for keeping my treasures safe. I didn’t realize how much you knew about my secrets.”

Aspen was much quicker to respond to the unasked questions that were behind Kopper’s statements.

“Martha and I have been worried for you and we have plotted to get you some space that we think you need, even though we don’t know exactly why we know you need space. Martha and I are good friends as you have said, and because of that we know more about you than you may think is possible based on your limited experience with living with other people. Martha has long known about Grayvee and I suspected your warming muff wasn’t dead. I watched you make the sun and tuck it into your pocket whenever people noticed you were doing embroidery with colors and not seemingly related to the cloaks. Don’t worry, I don’t think any of the other sisters noticed or if they did they didn’t think that it was anything beyond a special project that would be sent out; not something that would be kept by you. Really, the other sisters view you as the most giving, unselfish woman around so they wouldn’t consider suspecting you of keeping anything for yourself. The knife was an impulse. Originally I had thought to take your reading pad, but people would notice that was missing and wonder why it was missing. The rest of the objects will not be missed. I knew you were stealing a few bits of paper here and there, but the purpose I did not guess at until I found your journal. I did not read it, you knew that though.

“As for the why that lingers behind your gratitude. Well you see, like I said Martha and I have been worried for you and thus have been working on a plan to get you some time to do something... maybe think, maybe we don’t know what. But both of us agree there is something great left for you to do. So this winter we figured out a way to snatch you off to a place where you can reflect on things and maybe that will help you do whatever it is that you need to do, or that God feels you need to do.

“Do you remember Mrs. Flaminkoh? Good, the spark of remembering is in your eye. I remembered her fondly and this winter it came to me that she lives not seven days hard journey from here. It is just far enough away that you will not be recognized there and it is close enough that Martha and I may see you once or twice a year. So the plan was hatched and today is its execution, so I brought your things that you might take them with you through this next transition in your life. Goodness knows that you haven’t been able to take anything with you on your other two transitions so I thought it might be comforting to have some continuity this time.”

“I can’t thank you enough,” Kopper wept into Aspen’s shoulder which she had rested her head on after hearing that she was in for another transition. “You don’t know what it means to me to take these things. But even if I walk from here, I have no supplies but the fish we caught and I cannot travel on fish alone. Further more, won’t people wonder what happened to me? How will you and Martha deal with Bishop Steadfast? I don’t want you two to get in trouble? Does the Bishop know about this plan? No, I suppose he doesn’t, this all tells me in small whispers that he is part of my problems.”

“My dear Kopper, how I will miss you. No people won’t miss you if we do this right and Mrs. Flaminkoh will show up presently to help you travel to her place. It will be an indirect route that will take two weeks so that you may avoid the well traveled routes around here which may end up with you being recognized. She is not rich, but has managed to procure a donkey for the journey and so it will carry your supplies. You will have to camp to avoid people, but Mrs. Flaminkoh knows what she is doing. As for avoiding having people miss you we simply have to make it look like you died. Oh don’t look so worried. It is quite simple really. We’re just going to fake your drowning without you ever getting wet. Last time the weather was this wet a couple of people drowned in the spring and so it isn’t completely implausible. We are just hoping nobody questions the fact that we won’t find your body. It won’t be too bad. I think we can get away with you just losing your cloak and maybe a sandal in the water and hopefully we’ll find them downstream as evidence of your drowning. We have to wait for Mrs. Flaminkoh to show up though so you can disappear and then I’ll run to town for ‘help’ for the drowning you. She’ll bring you another cloak and some sturdy boots for traveling. She sent word from the village last night that she was in town and prepared today.”

Kopper snuffled back a sob and leaned toward Aspen, “But how can I say goodbye to you and I don’t even get to say goodbye to Martha. The convent is all I know in this world and how will I manage without you.” She ended with a gentle sob and a steady stream of tears. Aspen brushed back Kopper’s hair and took out her handkerchief to wipe the tears. She knew that words would to nothing to sooth Kopper so she let her weep in her shoulder until Mrs. Flaminkoh arrived. One pole fell into the river right as she arrived and Aspen figured it would just add the plausibility of Kopper’s drowning, but it was getting late in the morning and Kopper needed to make her escape.

Mrs. Flaminkoh knelt by the two and gently whispered, “My dear Kopper, I hope you remember the fun times we had in choir. Think of such things right now and we will bear out the pain later. However the timing is such that we need to get moving. Collect your cat and your pack, I’ll supply some boots and a new cloak for you, then we’ll be off. Lovely Aspen, give us five minutes to start our get away before you run into town for the ‘help’ and we should be well disappeared into the woods by then. Don’t worry, my dear late husband taught me how to cover my tracks, but no time to converse; we must move on.”

Together, Aspen and Mrs. Flaminkoh got Kopper ready for the journey they set off with Kopper and the donkey preceding Mrs. Flaminkoh, who was giving directions and also doing some scuffing and hiding of their track with a large, fluffy branch and a sack of dirt and other mixed items from the forest. Aspen tore herself away from watching them disappear into the forest so that she might not even accidently tell which direction they went. After about five minutes she threw Kopper’s cloak and sandal into the river, then screamed, just in case someone was close enough to hear and find the drowning story unbelievable if there was no screams and shouts. Then she ran to the village to tell people she needed to look for her sister that fell in the river.

The plan was fairly successful, the two informants questioned the story briefly, but since the river was high and the cloak, sandal, and fishing pole were recovered they ceased their questioning without any pressure. Aspen and Martha wept genuinely for though they knew Kopper to be safe they also knew that their friend was no longer with them and they worried for her. The other sisters wept genuinely because they loved Kopper and thought her to be dead.

Meanwhile Kopper and Mrs. Flaminkoh dodged their way through the forest, avoiding villages, and stopping only at places they knew to be safe. By the time they made it to Mrs. Flaminkoh’s place both of them were quite soggy and had a bit of a cold from sleeping on the damp ground and being rained on several days. The cottage was small but cosy and warm, so they warmed up and recovered from their colds via warming soups and some precious oranges.

Adjusting

Kopper did settle in to the convent, not easily, but she did settle. She was delighted that Sister Agatha turned out to be none other than Aspen from her youth. Aspen did fill her in on what was going on as much as she needed, but also knew quite distinctly that Kopper didn’t want to know everything. One of the things that Kopper didn’t get used to was her new name. She was given the name Mary. She despised Mary. Not the mother of Jesus, she admired her and thought she was a woman very worthy of respect; she despised the name Mary. It sounded so, well she didn’t know exactly, but it seemed that the old “Mary, Mary quite contrary; how does your garden grow; with silver bells and cockle shells; and pretty maids all in a row,” somehow seemed to sum it up for her. Kopper didn’t want to be either the angelic Mary who could bear the burden of a holy child nor did she want to be the contrary Mary. Sisters Agatha and Martha learned to just call her by Kopper when there was nobody else around, but the strict rules of the convent required that Kopper discard her old life and old name.

The convent was named Nimbschen and was of the Benedictine order. What this meant to Kopper was that the winter was cold and she had arrived in the fall. She did see the trees in good color, but the cold soon set in; the only good thing about arriving at this time was they hadn’t traveled during this time. Kopper had forgotten how cold cold is and the blankets at night were not thick, though they were of the best wool that the abbey could afford. This also meant that they went to church seven times a day. Kopper did learn what to do reasonably quickly, but her heart wasn’t in it.

Father Matthew was rewarded for his work and coincidentaly was named bishop of the area which included the convent. His diocese was located at a place called Wurzen, which was about a days walking away. He visited the convent regularly the first few months, and Sister Martha suspected rightly that it was due to Kopper’s presence. Sister Martha took it upon herself to protect Kopper and the convent so on one visit she took the Dear Bishop Steadfast aside and told him that he should correspond with Kopper and not visit Kopper. He realized how close he had come to losing his newly won post and ceased to visit. Instead he wrote long, very appropriate letters of council to Kopper. He tried to be the guiding bishop he was supposed to be and tried valiantly to put aside all of his feelings.

Aspen explained to Kopper what was going on when the first letter arrived and Kopper burst into Aspen’s prayer session with a loud, “What is this?” First Aspen quieted Kopper and reminded her that the sisters were encouraged to be silent most of the time. They would talk about this the next morning while they were doing embroidery since Aspen knew that they were the only two scheduled for that duty the next morning. Then she pulled Kopper down beside her and told her to pray.

One of the ways that the sisters earned food for their table and wood to heat was to do some of the embroidery for the cloaks of church officials. It was tedious work and they had to dye the thread themselves, but it meant that the winters were bearable and that they were even able to purchase enough apples to make sauce and jelly’s that provided some sweetness over those bleak months. Kopper had learnt the skills of embroidery well enough to do many of the dull gray threads while Aspen did the highlighting, so they frequently worked as a team. Kopper had shown almost no ability in copying the sacred texts on paper or illuminating, so she was pretty well banned from the scriptorium. She did find her handwriting interesting enough that she stole some paper to make her journal. Paper was reserved strictly for sacred texts and so Kopper had to find ways to make her own paper quietly while making paper for the sacred texts. Mostly they bought the paper for the copy work that the convent was required to do, but occasionally they needed a high quality paper that they made themselves. It was this paper that Kopper stole in small quantities along with some ink. Since the quantities were small she learned to write very small and in a shorthand of sorts.

Kopper found life as a nun tedious. Surprising since she had spent thirty years doing tedious work, but perhaps she had been expecting to do something exciting on earth and couldn’t adjust to the contemplative life among other people. The most Reverend Matthew Steadfast, Bishop of Wurzen encouraged her to seek God in her life and to use self punishment as a means to purge herself of the evil which distracted her from her sanctified work at the convent. The first several letters that she read of this type made Kopper want to throw her pad across the room. But she didn’t want to break it since she knew she would get no other. Fortunately, the Dear Bishop Steadfast sent along a power allotment with his letters so that Kopper would not have to dip into her meager ration to read the letters and reply.

The first few letters she thought that he was just writing to spite her; to show what a good position he was in and how she, as a woman and because of her history, would never achieve such a position. Then she thought that he was trying to say that she could achieve a better position if she dedicated herself to God. Finally she realized that after a few months he had changed. As Father Matthew he had doubted some of the things he taught Kopper for her trial, but now, Kopper could see he really did believe that he was a spiritual leader of importance, not just here on earth, but also in heaven. He believed he was saving souls and that God had given him this opportunity.

Kopper looked around and her sisters and realized that she could not expect more. She was a woman in a society that had no women leaders. She was a “sinner” in a society that required “saints.” She asked Martha and Aspen how they dealt with this and they both sighed at her questions. Of course they didn’t think that this was really how it was supposed to be. God had created man and woman equals in the Garden of Eden and what made people saints was a relationship with God, not acts of penance. But they couldn’t avoid the fact that they were born at a time when those truths were ignored so they had to live within societal constraints. They encouraged Kopper to find joys in her life that transcended the situation. Aspen was delighted that she could help others sort out their feelings and problems. Martha was happy to protect and lead the women of the convent.

So Kopper tried to make friends and enjoy what she could. She did enjoy looking at the subtle art that her embroidery needle produced, even if she was frequently interrupted by the calls to worship. The company of the other women was enjoyable too. They were all well meaning women who realized that they had to do the best they could with life. Although most of them held a view that the men did know what they were doing and that their duties in this society were just. Between the other women and the letters from the Bishop, Kopper found herself falling into the view that her previous life had been evil and that she did need to redeem her life through penance. Aspen and Martha tried to catch her from falling, but it was hard to do since they rarely had moments alone with Kopper. At first, Kopper did try to catch herself and ask God to keep her from falling when Martha or Aspen pointed out her proximity to the hole. Later, she put off Martha and Aspen with quotes from the Bishop or from texts she had memorized that the other sisters had suggested as good reading.

Kopper knew she was sliding down the slippery slope, but she enjoyed being a part of a community and being accepted. She liked having a friend in a high position which she could ask for advice and then take the advice without having to think deeply about the problem or solution. It was easy. Kopper justified her thoughts and actions by saying that even Martha and Aspen had told her to find something to be happy about. Mentally, she saw a red fish fly past when she used this justification, but she ignored it.

Her time became pleasant as she ignored the problems of the society around her. The nuns concentrated on alleviating pain and suffering, but not on eradicated the causes. Prayer times were cherished times where Kopper told God how much better she was doing and how much bad she had eradicated from her life. When the community gathered for the office, she checked off a mental list on how many things she was doing right and was gratified at how the list was growing.

Meanwhile, Martha and Aspen were bothered by Kopper’s lack of true devotion and her concentration on rules. It seemed to them that Kopper also recognized this, subliminally, since she still would not let Aspen or Martha call her Mary. They tried to talk with her as often as possible, but more and more they found that Kopper preferred to be in the company of many, even if silent, rather than with just one or two people. Aspen guessed, correctly, that this was a compensation of sorts for all those years that Kopper had spent alone.

One afternoon Kopper and Martha were weeding the garden and Martha managed to get the truth out. It was just the two of them in the squash field because there was a high demand for the embroidery recently since a council at Trent was scheduled in a month so all the officials wanted a new cloak or two. The convent could not afford to not make their quota of the desired garments so everyone was working on them whenever they weren’t needed at critical duties. Martha had even gone so far as to require the meals to be absolutely simple to free up some of the part time kitchen help for embroidery. The squash, their main vegetable in the winter months, was in desperate need of weeding or else the squash plants would be stunted in their growth and they could not afford a low yield. Even though they sowed more cloaks they would get no more support from the government; their contract was to supply a quota each year that the government deemed reasonable and in exchange they were provided with some grain in the winter. Martha was never told what the quota was until the end of the year and even though they had never received more orders, they were always told they hadn’t provided all their quota and so they never quite recieved all the grain they needed in the winter. But they couldn’t make cloaks without orders and they couldn’t do without the cloak business; it was a messed up business for them at best. So Martha had chosen the two slowest embroiderers to weed, while the rest stabbed their fingers in haste. Martha and Kopper were more careful than some of those now sewing, but they were not as quick so they weeded.

While they were weeding, they talked as Kopper wanted; Martha knew better than to push Kopper into a corner right now, which would scare her away forever. The last day of weeding Kopper finally talked to Martha openly.

“Martha, am I weak or just stupid?”

Martha looked at Kopper carefully and wished she had sent Aspen out here with Kopper, but Aspen was fast and accurate with her needle so Kopper was stuck with Martha’s slow responses, “What do you mean, Kopper?”

“Well, now that I have spent almost an entire week working and talking with exclusively you I realize how much I have depended on the others. Everyone is quiet when we come in from weeding because they have already talked their allotment for the day and so I haven’t had their verbal support. The Bishop hasn’t written in a while, I suppose because he is getting ready for the council meeting, so I haven’t had his written encouragement. You seem to have your own internal faith that doesn’t need support or speaking. So in the field these last two days I have been wondering to myself if I am weak for not being able to have my own faith that God is controlling everything without the support of the sisters or the bishop. Or am I just stupid for not being able to see God’s working and will without others to point it out to me?”

“Oh Kopper. You know you are neither. Instead it is I who have been weak and stupid. I knew that you needed to have some space to observe this culture before you were immersed in it, but the only time I gave you was our trip from the council to here and you were still tired and awestruck from the trial. I was too weak to order that your life here be in strict silence, for you and those around you, even though that would have given you time to form your own opinions. You were young when you left earth and you didn’t have time to formulate your own ways to deal with society and people so the easiest way you knew to fit in was to do what you did as a child. I failed to make you grow with God as your guide instead of people; in a sense I have been a poor parent.”

Martha hugged Kopper who at first was resistant. Martha had called her a child and told her she was stupid! But then as she thought about the last two years she had been at the convent she realized how much she had wanted to just fit in, regardless of what that cost her. She had behaved like a teenager among peers, something she hadn’t been for thirty years and had never really finished being. She collapsed into sobs of regret about the life she had lost and the things she had missed and the things she now did not understand. It was quite late when they finished the weeding by moonlight and then went to bed without dinner. Martha had wanted to get the field done so badly that they had even skipped several offices. Despite Kopper’s needs, the community still needed to get things done. But after the rush she would consider Kopper more carefully.

Soceity

The next morning Kopper was standing next to Martha and a mule outside the building that she now realized she had grown attached to in the last two weeks. She fidgeted with her sleeve and scuffed her new shoes on the cobblestone drive. Martha finished adjusting the load on the mule and turned to Kopper in a way that suggested Kopper might be more of a problem than the complaining mule, which was now reaching around and trying to pull off its load. Martha administered a slap to the mule’s nose that told it to stop it without hurting it greatly and she grabbed hold of the halter to keep it from turning again.

“Sister, I know you are still getting used to all this, but know that I do care for you and what you are feeling. Since I was observing you and Father Matthew during the last two weeks I know more than those who just saw you as a show during the council meeting and dinners. You and Father Matthew seem to have a history that goes beyond just these two weeks, but I will not reveal this knowledge to others and I do not want to know any more about it. Something more that I saw was that he loves you in a way that the clergy are not permitted to and that you love him despite your disagreements with him regarding everything in this society. Yes, I noticed that you are not the person you presented at the trial, but I do not hold it against you. Honestly, I play the game like Father Matthew does but I disagree more with what is happening, or perhaps Father Matthew is a better player of the game. In any case, I think you will find life at the convent not so horrible as you may think. I saw your face fall when the verdict was announced yesterday, even if everyone else did not. Why else did you think I was there? Through the grapevine Florin was able to send word that someone needed to take care of you after the trial and she didn’t want it to be someone unsympathetic to your attitudes. So when word came to my convent that we may have a new member, I made it clear that this ‘new member,’ that I was supposed to not know the name of was very welcome and it would be considered a great blessing if you came. The rest of the three convents petitioned for their situation in accepting a new member were not so eager since they only knew that you were a political problem of some sort. Political problems accepted to convents are rarely a boon because they frequently cause more problems than the convent can handle and the woman is usually sent to the convent to be contained. I can’t say that I was initially considering being welcoming to you either, but the underground word was that you were not a problem maker, you were merely stuck in a problem.

“But back to what I must say before we start our journey. Father Matthew, even though he loves you or rather because he loves you, will not be coming out to say goodbye. Say your goodbyes in your head or out loud if you want. I will wait by the mule and in two minutes we will leave. It is a long journey we have ahead of us and we must reach our first way point by dusk for there are those that would harm us merely for wearing the garb of nuns. Do not weep though, you can do that later, but here you must know there are those watching us from a distance that would report that your actions were not becoming of one who was joyful to accept the position of a nun, as you said you were yesterday. It is best that we leave as few doubting people here as possible. I am not sure what we are going to do with you yet, but I have a feeling that God kept you in space, uncontaminated by the events of this earth for a reason I have not yet fathomed. This purpose may be more easily accomplished if you do not attract the attention of the government, so we will leave as quietly and unobtrusively as possible.” Martha stepped away and finished the final adjustments to the load and double checked the mule for its soundness to travel. The council had granted them the gift of the mule on their travels and for use at the convent as a recognition that Kopper deserved something for her contrite behavior and dramatic conversion. Hush money of a sort, Martha mused. Although she doubted that Kopper would realized the magnitude of the gift until she saw the convent.

After Martha had delayed as long as she could, she untied the mule and walked it to where Kopper stood stoically looking at the park. Without any words they started down the road and didn’t look back as the host of buildings receded into the distance.

Kopper was still not as strong as she wished to be, but she was pretty close to being able to walk the whole day at a slow pace. Martha was in excellent shape since her only mode of transportation, most times, was her own two feet and everyone at the convent had to help keep the farm going to feed themselves. However, she had anticipated that her travel time from the convent would be much shorter than her return trip and had arranged for lodging at proper intervals for the return trip on her outgoing trip. It was interesting, she noted, that while Kopper had been granted the privilege of traveling on the train, the bus, and the air transport, Martha was required to get to the trial on time without any such advantages, and she had hardly any time to prepare for the trip. In fact she had spent long days walking quickly to arrive in time for the Sunday services since she knew Kopper would need her help and that nobody else would think of such a thing. It was almost as if Father Matthew had deliberately planned to not let Kopper see the true state of affairs until her trial was over. Kopper would have thought all those forms of travel perfectly normal since they were easily accessible by any member of the Arts. However, now those forms of travel were strictly regulated and handed out as privileges to those who the government favored and mostly it was reserved for those who held high positions in the government. It was good that Father Matthew had pulled the strings he could pull to get Kopper almost the full two weeks under his tutelage, because he she had traveled by the usual methods afforded to people of her current station, she would have had barely a day to prepare and the results would doubtless have been more punishing to Kopper. Though Kopper probably didn’t understand how things could be worse for her. Martha mused about all this during the first day of walking while Kopper merely looked around in wonderment.

The council had elaborate grounds and the people were all healthy. Now that they were off the main route to the council grounds and on a normal track of degrading biocrete, Kopper was amazed. The surrounding area was deteriorating back, very quickly, into an agrarian society. Large buildings that had been technically advanced were crumbling as they were not used or were mined for materials for other things, like barns. The people were not in good health. Every member of the Arts was in nearly perfect health, with some of them enhanced to much better health. Now most of the people had no health care and did not live in what would be called the cleanest of conditions. So people were blowing their noses on dirty hankies and some were limping slightly from a foot or leg condition that just would not heal. At the end of the day there was a small house that accepted them, fortunately Kopper was tired and it was dark so Martha didn’t have to explain much to Kopper. They downed some soup that was heavy on the water and some bread that was heavy then collapsed into some pallets made up before the fire.

In the morning, Kopper woke up and almost panicked. At eye level was a clump of straw that was a tiny bit musty and it rustled, a bit further away was a cat that was eyeing the straw intently. Kopper was about to sit up and try and figure out where she was and why she was sleeping on a hard floor that appeared to be dirt, when the cat jumped on the straw and came up with a mouse. She did sit up quite suddenly when the cat pounced and was impressed enough by the cats adjustment to the mouse’s movement which was a response to Kopper’s movement that she didn’t yell out. Martha had woken before Kopper and came over to her with two bowls and a two rough spoons. She knelt beside Kopper and handed her one of each with a good look that said, “Be grateful and quiet.” Kopper ate her lumpy porridge quietly and ate the whole thing even though she wasn’t enthusiastic about the taste or the texture. Martha took the bowls back to the corner of the room that Kopper interpreted as the kitchen where she scrubbed them and put them away. Before Martha was done scrubbing, Kopper realized that Martha had folded up the sleeping materials she had used so Kopper did the same. She dusted herself off and realized she would be wearing these clothes for more than one day and night and bathing didn’t seem to be a possibility based on the surroundings so she did a good job of dusting. Martha was heading out the door so Kopper did the same and was grateful when they stopped at a well and drew a bit of cold water to splash their faces somewhat clean, as well as draw water for the mule and for their water skins for travel that day. Martha retrieved their small amount of bedding from the house and loaded it on the mule. Out of nowhere, or at least it seemed so to Kopper’s untrained senses, the woman that had greeted them the night before arrived at Kopper’s side. Martha said some polite words of thanks and Kopper managed a few as well, then they were walking on the road again.

“I take it, err, that quite a lot has changed since I uh last lived on earth?” Kopper tried to give a vague question to Martha in the hopes that it would yield some useful information without insulting Martha.

Martha sighed, “Yes. I suppose it was too much to expect that Florin had told you about how things really are and certainly Father Matthew wouldn’t have told you. I guess that leaves me. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you... it just may be rough on the edges. Don’t ask questions until the end, please.”

“Okay.”

Just about the time that Kopper was going to ask if Martha was going to tell her everything now or when they got to the convent, Martha started talking.

“Soon after you left for your mission, things on this planet got a little complicated. The Blesseds, as you may or may not recall, asked their citizens to perform and act of piety every year or so. What you may not know is that when someone converted to being a Blessed, or as you knew it immigrated, the immigrant was required to perform an act chosen by the immigration board. The ‘accident’ that killed your parents was actually an act by one of the lab members who then became a Blessed. They had nothing against your parents, they just didn’t like the work they were doing. Not long after, it became quite fashionable to make political statements using such terrorism even though the governments didn’t approve of it and they were killing their own people in the terrorism. So the very integration that was supposed to stop the whole terrorism was ineffective. The Arts were slow to respond, but they did decide eventually to withdraw into their own compounds. That is when they recalled the sun catcher crews. I am guessing that you did not get that message for whatever reason. Honestly I think that they didn’t think about the recall that much. When the crews returned they found the moon base populated, at least those who immediately returned did, but there was no ground support. It was impossible for the Arts to protect all the facilities they had and the sun catcher facilities seemed to be at the bottom of the totem pole. There was a rumor for a time that the only reason a recall was issued was because someone in the program thought it would only be fair to recall the crews and not because there was an official action to recall. That might explain why a direct message was never sent to the crews, but it didn’t seem to be problematic since only about five crews were unaccounted for and all the crews but you were much older and were considered dead when they didn’t return.

“Actually I am surprised any ex-Art was allowed near the old base since the Blesseds generally decided that letting Arts continue in their ways would be allowing them to sin and therefor the Blesseds would be responsible for not teaching them. In any case it is a good thing that someone knew what to do when you came down. The last two crews that arrived a little late didn’t fare so well. Their touchdown was immediately reported and they were taken away. Unfortunately they weren’t taken care of in a way that they should have been and I think currently they are pretty well immobile due to spinal injuries from the ‘recovery’ time.

“The Arts successfully repelled the Blessed attacks for quite a while, but eventually they ran out of enough power to defend the outposts and so they got smaller and smaller. The Blesseds also launched a propaganda war in which they told people to convert now and God would not punish them. Some Arts converted and were assured of a better life now and after they die if they took out some Arts and Art facilities on their way out. So the Arts deteriorated even more. Incidentally, the Nats converted almost immediately. They had no defenses and were rapidly integrated into being a lower class society within the Blessed structure. The Gleaners were never really a nation so they were also rapidly absorbed into the people you see around you now.

“The Arts did make a war and even now there are a couple of places that they still claim as Art territory. Realistically though, the last major battle was completed a year ago. A large compound near where you grew up, actually, was the last place the Arts effectively defended and held a lot of people. It was slaughter. One of the Arts inside knew that the compound was going to fall within six months since the power was running low, so he decided to make the conversion and gain a position in the Blessed society. He set a self distruct of sorts and then snuck out of there. You should know he was one of the bishops that was sitting behind the cardinals at your trial; word got around that he wanted to have you beat and then sent on your way to the convent without me or this mule. An evil man that doesn’t want any competition, although how you could offer him any competition I am unsure.

“So that is how it is now. Some of us Arts quietly surrendered and tried to take up minimal roles in the Blessed society where we could help others. I was fortunate enough to get the job of nun and I rose within the internal ranks to my current position as head of the convent. We have tried to maintain a disconnect of sorts with the main government without attracting any attention. Although we try not to keep track, I do know that there are Arts, Nats, and Blesseds in the convent. Try to make friends and not think poorly of any of the other sisters. Ah what am I saying, you have shown a willingness to be friendly to everyone thus far. I think you’ll fit in quite well. You will have to get used to being in the company of others though and we do a lot of work to keep ourselves fed and somewhat comfortable. Don’t worry, we’ll teach you what to do and nobody will expect you to keep up physically, at first.

“Take a look around you as we walk. Get used to the country life, perhaps traveling through it before you have to take up permanent residence will help you adjust. I will answer questions about the life, but for now, I prefer to not answer questions about history. We have one sister, sister Agatha, who has shown great dexterity in helping others adjust to this life. She is quite good at picking up on other people’s needs for mental nourishment.

“No questions for now, just walk and think and organize. Then you can ask.”

Bottom of the Bowl

The day of her trial, Martha again appeared to help her navigate her way through the day. Kopper’s fuzzy ball of hair was trimmed by Martha and then Martha helped her into a very simple dress, which Kopper could have done herself but found that she was unable to focus effectively on the tasks at hand. Kopper could only pick at her breakfast but Martha did convince her to swallow most of her orange juice and a couple of bites of oatmeal. Once in the hallway, they were greeted by a huge gathering of Father Matthew’s attendants and Father Matthew himself was wearing very ornate garb under his usual cloak (although based on the cleanliness of it, it was a new on just like his old one). He strode over to her, put a hand on her shoulder, “May God’s blessings be with you today, daughter. As a symbol of your devotion to Him,” he placed a little emphasis on the him that was noticeable to Kopper and Martha, but the attendants didn’t seem to be listening, “may you wear this cross.” He produced a large cross on a chain from a pocket somewhere on his torso and carefully spread the chain apart so it would fit over Kopper’s head. She ducked her head and felt the weight rest on her neck as if reminding her that she was to be in mindless submission today.

Father Matthew and most of his entourage led the way down the hall, then Kopper with Martha at her side and just barely behind her, then the rest of the herd of attendants. The strode down the stairs and outside, across the courtyard and into another gray stone building. In a sort of anit-chamber they waiting while some servants ran to and fro and eventually told one of Father Matthew’s attendants that they would now be admitted, the attendant then told Father Matthew who then strode toward the doors without looking at Kopper. It seemed to Kopper that he was enjoying all this and it put her in a bad mood. Martha gave Kopper’s elbow some nudging and steering and they too entered what Kopper presumed to be the court directly after Father Matthew with the attendants eager to spring in behind them. The court was a large rectangular room more fairly it would be called an amphitheater, Kopper guessed. Kopper’s attention was immediately drawn to the large amount of people here. Somehow she had thought that this council would be at least similar in size to the courts she was used to from childhood, but this was nothing close. A long desk or table dominated the room and she counted twelve very elaborately dressed men at its great height. When Kopper saw the crowd she instinctively put a hand on Martha’s help to steady herself. Martha seemed to have anticipated this and moved close to Kopper to give her support and lead her down the staircase while Kopper looked around in awe. Behind the twelve was a host of less elaborately, but still dazzlingly dressed men. The shallow bowl they were descending into the middle of was deformed by the tall twelve that sat just off center of the bowl and in front of the lowest section. The men behind the twelve were at a slightly lower level than the twelve but higher than the rest of the seating which was stuffed but most of Father Matthew’s attendants managed to find a space to sit just behind where Father Matthew, Kopper and Martha sat at the low point. It was painful to look directly up at the twelve and so Kopper was glad she had the excuse of being humble and penitent to tilt her head down and just study the floor, which was also quite stunning. A few attendants stood behind them while Kopper and her two companions sat on some very plain wooden chairs at a very plain and small table.

Once they were seated, the crowd quieted and one of the twelve with the pointy hats boomed, “Father Matthew, is the supplicant ready to present herself before the council?”

“Your Eminence, she has prayerfully submitted herself to correction under my guidance and now feels she is ready to face her judgement by God and the council that represents God here on earth,” Father Matthew replied using a tone that she had not heard before. He was respectful but somehow boastful at the same time. Kopper quickly lost track of things and tried to concentrate on understanding a few of the things Father Matthew, who she knew was doing his best for her, was saying. After some elaborate something that Kopper didn’t quite follow she realized one of the pointed hatted men was addressing her directly.
“...will you also accept the council’s decisions regarding your occupation for your remaining days?” Kopper guessed that it didn’t truly matter what the other questions that she hadn’t heard were, she was clearly to answer in the affirmative.
“Yes... uh Your Eminence,” she hoped she was using the right form of address and then a little of her memorization of the past couple weeks kicked in and she added, “the Lord, my Savior’s will for me shall be shown to me through this council and I shall obey.” Kopper wished she could look up to see what the reaction was to her stab at formality had been, but it was too far and she didn’t want to be obvious about it. Instead she managed a slight glance at Father Matthew and was gratified to see him give her a small wink. After that she paid more attention since she knew that the occasional probing would be directed at her.

For the rest of the morning there were endless questions for both her and Father Matthew to answer. Kopper could tell that Father Matthew’s answers were infinitely better crafted and more ingenious but he seemed to be quite happy with her responses which she only hoped translated to the pointy twelve being happy too. She wondered why Martha was here since she seemed to not be participating at all, but was happy enough to have her here for some emotional support that she didn’t wonder very long. Finally a lunch recess was announced and they all stood while the pointy twelve left and then those behind them, finally they were allowed to go before the larger observation crowd.

Kopper trailed along behind the attendants of Father Matthew, they took up position as soon as they had exited the council room, holding on to Martha’s arm. With every step Kopper hoped they would veer off to a small room, or her bedroom, or even Father Matthew’s chambers so they could eat lunch in relative aloneness, but there was no such luck. All too quickly they arrived at the dining hall and were seated at a table. Kopper was starving but had to eat with the dainty manners that she had observed other women eating with and so hardly got down as much as she wanted. Plus there was the obligatory conversation she had to keep up. Martha and Father Matthew did their best to keep Kopper out of the conversation since they could see that she was hungry and tired from the morning, but the rest of those seated at the table seemed to be either unaware of this or rude.

When Kopper recognized that they were to leave, she drug herself to her feet and then hoped against hope that a nap or at least a little down time was planned, but she knew better than to think that was an actual possibility. So they proceeded once again to the council room. This time they did not wait to be admitted officially, they just went in and took their seats. This time the important people were not there yet and the crowd was conversing loudly around them. A trumpet sounded and they all rose, well everyone except Kopper, Martha had to pull on her armpit to get her to stand up a half second later than everyone else. Then began the announcing of the people as they came in. Ughh. It went on forever. Fortunately it seemed some of it was shortened because a large group of people would be called the insert some title that Kopper didn’t recognize of some area Kopper didn’t recognize. She tried to sleep on her feet a couple of times and after the second time Martha shoved a small pill into Kopper’s hand. She discretely slid whatever it was into her mouth, crunched it twice to make it activate faster and then swallowed the bitter glob. A few minutes later Kopper felt a little more alert and found focusing a bit easier.

The questioning continued for another two hours. Toward the end her responses were close to being snippy, but only Father Matthew and Martha could tell. Everyone else was quite impressed. This was the followed by her reading her confession aloud. It took a half an hour for her to get through with the reading. She forced herself to read the words slowly and to add some emotion, fake but convincing, to the passages to make herself sound truly repentant. Once done with that she want to throw the pad across the room since it was filled with so many things she didn’t agree with, instead she quietly handed the pad back to Martha and sat down. Father Matthew and Kopper were then dismissed from the council room and Martha also left with them even though she had not been specifically named. Nobody stood when they exited except the hoard of attendants for Father Matthew, which seemed to do nothing but add bulk to make him look impressive here. The attendants separated Martha and Kopper from Father Matthew and so he was not there to hear Martha and Kopper’s conversation about the attendants.
“What in the world are they here for?” Kopper asked Martha.
“Ah, well mostly for importance. Father Matthew likes the importance this position is giving him and so he asks for all the attendants he can get.”
“But, uhh, what?” Kopper was very confused, “Do all the men of Father Matthew’s rank get attendants, because in the dining hall even those who have more colored embroidery on their cloaks don’t seem to have this number.”
“Oh yes, I am sorry. I suppose you don’t know about many things and I forget. You are right in using the embroidery to differentiate rank. You’ll notice that the Cardinals of the council have their clothes practically triple layered with the stuff. What I meant by ‘this position’ is the assignment he has been given to be your Confessor. It was quite startling around here when he was chosen since there were many others of higher rank, but not too high of a rank, than him who could have been given the job. You noticed these higher but not too much higher men in our dining hall, they are the ones who signal dinner is over by leaving and sit at the highest table. There is another dining hall where the really important eat which is positively packed with attendants. A third dining hall for the common people and the attendants who couldn’t fit in the high hall also exists. Rumor is that there is also a fourth hall where the Pope and those he selects eat, but people are not permitted to speak of the sacredness of it. It has been conjectured that if Father Matthew does well with you he could be promoted to a Bishop, that means he would skip right over Deacon. Then he’ll be able to have the hoard of attendants, although not quite this big, and the privilege of the other dining room.” Martha stopped her narration to look at Kopper’s face.

“I can see he has not told you of this. Don’t worry, there are those of us who do not help you for the benefits we will receive from the church. Honestly, I don’t think Father Matthew is doing it for the position either. He is a good man at heart and I see that he loves you as a priest should not love another. The whole thing has merely swept him up for a while, he’ll return to earth a month or so after he gets his new position. Do not speak of this matter to him, it is not your place.” Martha patted Kopper’s arm comfortingly. They were outdoors in the park and Father Matthew had found a bench to sit on.

As the attendants compressed to a halt with the two ladies behind them Kopper whispered to Martha, “I really would love a nap if there is time.”
Father Matthew looked at them when they arrived at the bench and said, “Kopper you have done well in speaking this morning, the Lord will watch over you as the council makes its final decision. We have about an hour before we are called back so we will rest in the garden and allow God to speak to us through nature. I feel that your study and work these last weeks has been successful. Rejoice that God has smiled on you this day child. Is there anything that you need that can be supplied during this hour?”
“Father, I believe Kopper needs a rest that would be better achieved while she lay. Let us rest upon the cool grass and I will sing to her as she rests her head in my lap,” Martha responded.
“Yes, of course Sister, your singing will likely serve us all. Perhaps I will join you if I may.”
“Of course Father, your harmony will be welcomed, it is rare that I sing with men.”

So Martha settled onto the grass in front of the bench. Kopper gratefully rested her head on Martha’s crossed ankles. Martha stroked Kopper’s hair and began to sing a quiet hymn. On the second verse, Father Matthew’s voice joined in quietly, and by the fourth verse Kopper had closed her eyes in a light sleep. After Martha was sure that Kopper was asleep she stopped singing and folded her hands quietly on either side of Kopper’s head.
“Careful Father, do not let your eyes show the love you hold for this dear Kopper. I can see it but I am guessing that other’s do not. Pack it away and do not let it come out, it will not be good for either you or Kopper,” Martha said in a whisper that Father Matthew leaned to hear.